Video Game Code Names, Ranked

We got a lame reveal of the specs for Scorpio, and no name, price, look, or any other actually important details. Which begs the question: is Scorpio the greatest code name in video game console history? Well, it’s time to do the internet’s favorite thing (no, not harassment), ranking things in lists!

My criteria: how cool the codename is to say out loud, how good the console ended up being, and if the code name was BETTER than the real name. And I threw in some stuff that’s not a console, like hardware peripherals and other important stuff that counts because the code name was rad, so deal with it losers. So let us get down to bickering about random nonsense that does not matter, aka the blueprint to get to the internet’s heart.

34. Citra — 3DS

33. Durango — Xbox One

32. Coleen — Atari 800

31. Project Natal — Kinect

30. Orbis — PlayStation 4

29. Mark V — Sega Genesis/Mega Drive

28. NGP (Next Generation Portable) — PlayStation Vita

27. Pam — Atari 5200

26. Jupiter — Sega Saturn

25. Arc — PlayStation Move

24. Mercury — Sega Game Gear

23. Nitro — Nintendo DS

22. Project Cafe — Wii U

21. Mars — Sega 32X

20. MARZ (Microsoft Active Reality Zone), VERV (Virtual Entertainment and Reality Venture), TAC (Total Action Center), TS0 (Three Six Zero), CPG (Cyber Playground), DirectX-box — Xbox

19. PS-X — PlayStation

18. Venus — Sega Nomad

17. Neo — PS4 Pro

16. Neptune — 32X/Mega Drive combo unit (unreleased, but still pretty dope for a planet codename)

15. Candy —Atari 400

14. Project Reality, Ultra 64 — Nintendo 64

13. Atlantis — Game Boy Advance

12. NX — Switch

11. Stella — Atari 2600

10. Oxygen — Game Boy Micro

9. White Belt, Katana, Guppy, Black Belt, Shark, Dural — Dreamcast

8. Dolphin — GameCube

7. Virtual Utopia Experience — Virtual Boy

6. Morpheus — PS VR

5. Scorpio — Xbox One X? Or whatever they end up calling it, doesn’t really matter, Scorpio is a great code name by itself

4. Dot Matrix Game — Game Boy

3. Xenon — Xbox 360

2. B52 Rock Lobster — Commodore Amiga 500 (I do not care if this is cheating because this is the best of the PC ones, so deal with it)

Revolution — Wii

BONUS MATCH

Microsoft versus Apple, who has the better code names? Below is a non-comprehensive list of the various operating system and program code names, everything Windows and Mac and Apple and MS. Who has the edge? Let’s run it down:

• Janus — Windows 3.1
• Snowball — Windows for Workgroups 3.11
• Chicago — Windows 95
• Nashville — Windows 96
• O’Hare — First version of Internet Explorer
• Memphis, Detroit — Windows 98
• Daytona — Windows NT 3.5
• Cairo, Hydra— Windows NT 4.0
• Neptune, Odyssey — Windows 2000 Home Edition
• Whistler — Windows XP
• Canary, Galileo, Gryphon, Hermes, Jupiter, Mira, Macallan, Mercury, Merlin, Orion, Pegasus, Rapier, Stinger, Venus, Wyvern— Windows CE for 2003 smart phones and pocket PCs and WebTV and some other stuff
• Millennium — Windows ME
• Longhorn — Windows Vista
• Lonestar — Windows XP Tablet PC 2005
• Aurora — Windows Small Business Server 2011 Essentials
• Vienna, Blackcomb — Windows 7
• Mango — Windows Phone 7
• Blue — Windows 8.1
• Apollo — Windows Phone 8
• Corona — Windows Media Player 9
• Brimstone — Adobe Photoshop 2.5 for Windows
• Snowball — Windows for Workgroups 3.11
• Threshold — Windows 10
• Redstone — Windows 10.1

versus

• Kodiak — MacOS
• Brooklyn — Apple ][x
• Cocoa — Apple Mac OS X API
• Moses — Apple Mac OS X Server-based
• Blue Box , Darwin— Mac OS layers
• Harmony — Mac OS 7.6
• Tempo — Mac OS 8.0
• Bride of Buster — Mac OS 8.1
• Allegro — Mac OS 8.5
• Star Trek — Mac OS for x86
• Sonata, Gershwin — Mac OS 9
• Fortissimo — Mac OS 9.1
• Moonlight — Mac OS 9.2
• Cheetah — Mac OS X 10.0
• Puma — Mac OS X 10.1
• Jaguar — Mac OS X 10.2
• Panther — Mac OS X 10.3
• Tiger — Mac OS X 10.4
• Leopard — Mac OS X 10.5
• Snow Leopard — Mac OS X 10.6

WINNER: MICROSOFT for being more original and taking risks and not doing fucking cats every year, that shit gets confusing and is lazy.