Star Wars: Episode VIII Gets A Simple Title & A Simple Poster

I have no personal experience with the drug commonly referred to as “crack,” so I’m certainly in no position to make metaphors about it willy-nilly. That being said, I have to imagine the wait for information about the next saga installment of Star Wars is equal to or greater than the experience of going through withdrawals from crack. At this point I would be willing to do pretty much anything for a still or trailer, and every day I kind of wake up hoping to finally get a nice, strong hit.

Today’s news, as cool as it is, is not that hit. It’s more like if someone gave you a couple of tiny rocks of crack, mixed in with some white cheddar cheese. Yeah it feels good somewhat, but really doesn’t leave you with the high you were hoping for. The watered down supply is better than nothing, but no way in hell is it the kind of crack you REALLY want. But fuck it, you’re a crack addict, so time to break out the spoon anyways!

Huh, that metaphor really got ahead of me there. Anyways, umm, Star Wars stuff!

The biggest news of the day is of course the confirmed title of Episode VIII which, following months of speculation and approximately 10 kajillion predictions, turns out to be…very straightforward, actually. Check out the teaser poster below for your first look at the title.

Yes, Star Wars: Episode VIII is now Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and that’s…fine. Look, The Force Awakens didn’t exactly light the world on fire either, but I actually really dug the title, and found it rolled off the tongue quite well. The use of “awakens” is also rather unique, and doesn’t really compare to any other franchise subtitle (a plus in this franchise heavy world.) The Last Jedi, on the other hand, is far more generic. The amount of pop culture with the word “last” in the title can and probably has filled multiple volumes of books, with projects like The Last Starfighter, The Last of the Mohicans, The Last Guardian, and The Last Airbender coming to mind right off the top of my head. Try to do a similar exercise with the word “awakens,” and my mind comes up empty. In addition, the title is very similar to the one for the next Transformers movie (The Last Knight), which is pretty unfortunate. Granted all these things are the nerdiest of nerderies (I’m actually writing this strung up on my underwear in the inside of a middle school locker), but it still explains my relative “meh”-ness to the new title.

Still though, I can’t argue the title DOESN’T work for the film — if Episode VII is any indication, Luke (a.k.a. The Last Jedi) is going to be a huge part of this movie, so him being the main component of the title probably makes sense. That is IF The Last Jedi is actually referring to the lost Skywalker — could it be referring to Rey? Or Kylo? Or Finn? Or Poe? Or CONSTABLE ZUVIO?! And what of the poster, a rather simple re-do of The Force Awakens teaser poster, but this time in red? Obviously red is the color of the dark side, so is all the poster doing is confirming that this film will be the “darker, edgier” sequel everyone involved promised? Or does it have something to do with the red double-bladed lightsaber currently wielded by Kylo Ren — is it confirmation that he is INDEED the titular “Last Jedi?” And what does Maz Kanata have to do with any of this?!

…Fuck, I think I’m going back into lack-of-information withdrawals. I really need that trailer, people.