In an effort to get my work published on Deadspin and/or Kotaku, which quite frankly is not going so well, I am going to now rank for you, dear reader, the best legendary rarity costumes in the game. Not the epics, sorry, color swaps don’t count. And I’m not going to divide this list into two just for the slight differences in most of the skins, since a lot of them are the same just with different colors. I ain’t got time for that, so deal with it.
Here is the rubric for my grading: how cool each one looks, the colors, the cleverness of the reference, the way each one suits the character, any changes to the weapon, and whether or not I unlocked them in a loot box. I have a lot of Zarya drops I don’t want and I’m salty about that, so sorry Zarya mains, I have a grudge with RNG.
Thanks to the fine people at Gamepedia for the images, go there to look at everything, they did a great job and have no idea I’m taking from their site but at least I’m attributing my source: http://overwatch.gamepedia.com/Skins
73. Pharah — Mechaqueen / Raptorion
What is this supposed to be? Is she Samus? Why not just use the regular armor?
72. D.Va — B.Va / Junebug
Is she a bee? Why is the alternate color blue then?
71. Widowmaker — Noire
This is not nearly different enough from the regular costume, but it is black, so
70. Lucio — HippityHop / Ribbit
Why is he a techno frog again?
69. Bastion — Gearbot / Steambot
This one is cool but fuck Bastion and his turret form
68. Genji — Sparrow / Young Genji
Out of all the younger versions this is the worst
67. McCree — Mystery Man / Vigilante
Good idea, poor execution, he looks dumber not cooler
66. Ana —Wadjet / Wasteland
There is a neat Mad Max thing going on but it’s just a little off color wise
65. D.Va — Junker / Scavenger
This beats the Steam punk Bastion one because D.Va has no turret form
64. Genji — Bedouin / Nomad
I don’t know what this is supposed to be but alright
63. Symmetra — Architech / Vishkar
Half Portal inspired, half dentist look here
62. Hanzo — Young Hanzo / Young Master
A pretty boring skin for Hanzo. Also stop picking Hanzo please everyone
61. Pharah — Security Chief
Another whatever throw in for pre-ordering the game
60. Mei — Abominable / Yeti Hunter
I like her boots
59. Soldier 76 — Strike-Commander Morrison
Man the pre-order skins were bad in retrospect
58. Tracer — Slipstream
Really bad in comparison to the rest of the list
57. Zarya — Arctic / Siberian Front
This is one of the first legendary ones I got. Fuck you Blizzard I don’t even play her!
56. Widowmaker — Odette /Odile
Every time I see this one I yell BIRDMAN BIRDMAN
55. Zarya — Cybergoth / Industrial
I was once goth too. I still will not play Zarya, sorry Blizzard
54. Zenyatta — Sanzang
This would have ranked higher but his face is too creepy
53. Zarya — Champion / Weightlifter
Finally a good Zarya one. I got this in a loot box and will still not play her, really stop it now Blizzard HQ
52. Widowmaker — Comtesse / Huntress
Bonus points for the sick gun
51. Bastion — Antique / Woodbot
Would be funnier if you didn’t hate-scream at Bastion all the time
50. McCree — Gambler / Riverboat
Man, McCree got stiffed hard on legendary costumes
49. Orisa — Megaosoma / Dynasinae
It’s like a cow, and also a beetle, in the other color. Pretty cool.
48. Sombra — Cyberspace / Augmented
For a Tron knock-off this isn’t half bad
47. Junkrat — Hayseed / Scarecrow
Let Junkrat be a new Batman villain
46. Lucio — Selecao / Striker
The mascot of Lucio Ball and host of the Brazil Olympics
45. Reaper — Blackwatch Reyes
This outfit makes me less angry at Reaper players because you don’t hide behind that skull mask
44. Soldier 76 — Commando / Night Ops
I remember Vietnam too
43. Bastion — Overgrown
Is this the best pre-order one? Really? You gave it to Bastion?
42. Torbjorn — Chopper / Deadlock
This one works best on the Route 66 map
41. Tracer — Mach T/ T.Racer
I wish I had this one for Tracer
40. Mei — Chang’e / Luna
Mei is looking a little slimmer, no?
39. Mercy — Sigrun / Valkyrie
Thor is going to be pissed when he sees the plagiarism on hand
38. Reinhardt — Blackhardt / Bloodhardt
This is some boss looking armor
37. Zenyatta — Djinnyatta / Infrit
Spoilers: by the end, Zenyatta has pound for pound the best legendary costumes in the game, by a mile
36. Winston — Wukong
Is there another popular eSports game with a Wukong in it?
35. Sombra — Azucar / Los Muertos
Reminds me of that one guy from Suicide Squad
34. Roadhog — Islander / Toa
The hook gets changed when you pick this one
33. Reinhardt — Lionhardt / Stonehardt
No helmet = fucking awesome for him
32. Tracer — Sprinter / Track and Field
The Union Jack flag is a nice touch
31. Reaper — Nevermore / Plague Doctor
Actually somewhat intimidating
30. Soldier 76 — Daredevil / Stunt Rider
Evel Knievel is going to sue someone
29. Ana — Captain Amari / Horus
This is the best Ana costume by far, she looks legit
28. Tracer — Punk / Ultraviolet
I used to be punk, once upon a time
27. Orisa — Protector / Carbon Fiber
This shit looks like the original Xbox 360 dashboard, hella cool.
26. Winston — Frogston / Undersea
The O2 tanks sell it
25. Lucio — Breakaway / Slapshot
What’s better than roller blades on Lucio? Ice skates!
24. Mei — Firefighter / Rescue Mei
The irony here is amazing
23. Winston — Yeti
This is brilliant
22. Junkrat — Fool / Jester
This fits him so well. I’m a Junkrat main, I get to be biased on my own list
21. Reinhardt — Wujing
I want that necklace
20. Mercy — Devil / Imp
This shit is hot
19. Hanzo — Lone Wolf / Okami
What puts this over the top is the wolf that comes out of his ult
18. D.Va — Palanquin
If only the other D.Va ones could be this detailed
17. Reinhardt — Balderich / Greifhardt
This is the epitome of badass
16. Roadhog — Junkenstein’s Monster
Beyond a perfect match, Roadhog and Frankenstein’s Monster
15. Torbjorn — Barbarossa / Blackbeard
The turret is pirate themed too
14. Winston — Explorer / Safari
Love his hat, mustache and stickers
13. Genji — Oni
Makes me hate Genji players a little less when I see this one
12. Junkrat — Dr. Junkenstein
I am beyond upset I never got this one, as a Junkrat main
11. Mei — Mei-rry
Classic, simple, and festive, almost makes the top ten
10. Reaper — Pumpkin
Anything that resembles Spidey foe Hobgoblin is okay in my book
9. Roadhog — Mako / Sharkbait
One of the strongest, most fleshed out legendary skins to launch with the game
8. Symmetra — Devi / Goddess
This actually makes me want to play Symmetra. I won’t, but I want to.
7. Tracer — Jingle
Cute? Sexy? Funny? Apropos? All of the above?
6. Pharah — Raindancer / Thunderbird
I choose to ignore the possible racism on display here because this is too stunning
5. Mercy — Witch
We all know the best Halloween costume is this one
4. Zenyatta — Ra / Sunyatta
I told you Zenyatta had the best skins in the game
3. Reaper — El Blanco / Mariachi
Mucho bonito
2. Torbjorn — Santaclad
The trees, the turret, the glasses, the bells, the fit, it’s all too perfect. Ho ho ho indeed
1. Zenyatta — Nutcracker
HE THROWS NUTS AT PEOPLE. NUTS
Do you disagree with my list? I don’t care. Don’t @ me on Twitter.
