The First Pirates of the Caribbean 5 Trailer Is Here To Ask If Anyone Even Gives A Shit Anymore

Here’s the thing about the Pirates of the Caribbean films: for the most part, I’m a actually a big fan. The first film in the series is a legitimate classic in my eyes, and I think the second one is great too. The third one has a ton of problems, but still featured enough strong film-making and eye popping visuals to be worth a watch — after all, Gore Verbinski is the true talent behind this series, and the skill he brought to the project really elevated the whole thing. And if you need anymore proof of that, you can just watch Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, a modern fiasco so inert and aimless that in a just world, it would have killed the franchise dead away.

It did not, so here we are: the first trailer for the next installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Dead Men Tell No Tales. It’s been five years since On Stranger Tides, and since then I can’t say I’ve seen fans clamoring for another one. But can the teaser trailer re-ignite the passion that some (including myself) had for the series long ago? Check out the teaser for yourself below:

I’ll give the trailer one thing: it was a pretty brave move not to show Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow directly, as he’s clearly the main draw of the series. That said, he was the main draw of the series back in 2011, and to say that things have changed for the actor in the five years since is sort of an understatement. Between the abuse allegations and a long string of box office bombs, maybe not featuring Johnny Depp in the first trailer isn’t the kiss of death it would have been in the late aughts.

But that’s kind of the case for the series overall: the cache has faded, and it seems to be running on fumes at this point. I’m not sure either Depp or the Pirates name is enough to get people excited, so what we’re left with is a bunch of loose elements that create a collective “meh.” Javier Bardem is always nice to have as a villain, and he looks somewhat cool as the evil Captain Salazar. The trailer also takes place on a boat in the ocean, which is somehow a step-up from almost all of On Stranger Tides, which decided that the ocean was certainly for tools and thus avoided it almost entirely. That said, the blast of CGI that was used in creating said ocean is a tad disappointing — practical swashbuckling is the best swashbuckling. Of course it’s not like the PoC series is averse to using CGI, so I’ll give the trailer a pass there.

The rest of the trailer is so brief that it’s hard to really get much of an impression out of it: evil Javier Bardem wants Jack Sparrow, and is turning to Brenton “Gods of Egypt” Thwaites to get him. Hopefully that means Thwaites’ character will be the lead, as one of the major flaws with the latter films was taking the Jack Sparrow character and making him the main lead character, a spot that doesn’t suit his offbeat, wild card status at all. I don’t quite know what to make of Thwaites as a lead character either, though, even if it is a step in the right direction.

But ultimately, this trailer changed very little about my thoughts on the franchise: after On Stranger Tides, it’s going to take a whole lot to get me excited about this series again. I’m curious to see what Kon-Tiki directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg will do with the film, and it’s slightly higher pedigree than what On Stranger Tides had with Chicago director Rob Marshall. But from the beginning this film has felt like a worthless endeavor, and it will take more than a slicker teaser to fix that.

Here’s the (underwhelming) synopsis:

Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Captain Jack Sparrow finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar (Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea…including him. Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.

Also featuring Geoffrey Rush, Kevin R. McNally, Kaya Scodelario, and a returning Orlando Bloom, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales will hit theaters on May 26, 2017. That date was initially going to be the launch of Star Wars: Episode VIII, so y’know…think about that fun alternate universe as you buy your ticket.

-Matthew