Like The Spy Himself, The Bond Franchise Isn’t Taking No For An Answer In Its Efforts To Win Back Daniel Craig

I think it’s safe to say that the Bond franchise is taking its break-up with Daniel Craig pretty hard. Despite clear signs that the man has lost interest in salvaging the relationship, and wants to be free to see other ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ franchises. But the Bond franchise has had some rough time with past men and, though its time spent with Daniel Craig hasn’t been perfect, he’s the best man they have had in a while, and a world without him is too full of uncertainty to bear. So the Bond franchise is going to try and win back its man, no matter what it takes.

Of course the shorthand for “no matter what in takes” in Hollywood simply equates to more money, and when it comes to the five steps of grief, the Bond franchise has certainly spent a lot of time (and even more money) in this bargaining phase. For what it’s worth, the franchise tried to skip that whole annoying “depression” thing right away, going straight to acceptance after they realized Craig wasn’t really biting on their big dramatic gesture to win him back. It’s even doing the classic move of feigning interest in other eligible men of interest, only to back off before things get too serious because, hey, they just got out of a long term relationship, and they aren’t really ready, you know? Maybe they shouldn’t have skipped that fourth step after all. Maybe in order to move on, they have to first go backwards — right back into bargaining!

Huh, that doesn’t sound right.

But alas, like so many other unhealthy relationships, the Bond franchise is back at it again, trying to “win back” Daniel Craig with even more money than last time. According to Radar, rumor has it that Sony (who currently oversees the series) is throwing a whopping $150 million payday to Mr. Craig, all in an effort to get him to return for a back-to-back set of final Bond films before finally moving on (they swear, really!) Apparently this was Sony’s whole gambit the entire time, with the “looking at other actors” part a scheme to get Craig to lower his asking price. Instead the actor signed on for a long term Showtime TV series, because he’s baller like that. Now Sony is in a desperate position, and is willing to do (and spend) anything to get Craig back.

But will this latest gambit pan out? Will the Bond franchise be able to win back Craig’s heart? Or will the Bond franchise be forced to move on, grabbing any piece of foreign man candy (uh, let’s just say Jai Courtney) available on its slow, long descent into depression? Will the Bond franchise wake up one day, staring at the back of a man it now realizes it never really loved, yearning to escape its life of imprisonment, but swiftly becoming more aware that there is no such thing as escape? That it has already crafted its last stage of life, one that has no way out other than death?

Will the Bond franchise then begin to yearn for the times it had with Craig, dreaming of a world in which it could be his blond hair that the franchise wakes up to ever morning? Will it consider the idea that it could have done more, could have given more, could have TRIED more to get back with its one true love? Will it then realize that it was never meant to be, that Craig simply did what a man of Craig’s stature was bound to do when paired up with a partner like the Bond franchise: use it for all it was worth, discard it when done, and move on to something bigger and better? After all, the truth of the matter is now clear: Daniel Craig is better than the Bond series, and the Bond series does not deserve his love. Hell, does the Bond series deserve anybodies love? From the perspective of the Bond series, the answer is a terrifying, if resolute, no.

We’ll have more as the story develops!

-Matthew