Ewoks suck. Yes, I’m sorry 80’s kids, with your He-Man action figures, Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and spotty yet vivid memories of the Challenger explosion — Ewoks just really, really suck. They were the Jar Jar Binks of 1983, and you all were just too young to realize it at the time. But it’s okay — us young uns’ are here to teach you the errors of your ways, including but not limited to your love of a bunch of stupid looking bear creatures that stopped a trilogy closer dead in its tracks.
Now Porgs, on the other hand? Totally different things. They are cute, and adorable, and wonderful, and will make Star Wars: The Last Jedi the best Star Wars film ever crafted.
So watch the brand new, official video debut of the Porgs, featured in something called the “Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer.” Whatever that means. Obviously the Porg appearance was the clear standout of the new Star Wars: The Last Jedi footage, but there’s plenty of other cool things nestled within this trailer. Not necessarily “porg” cool but, hey, is anything?
And for those who are particularly averse to spoilers in the trailer, I think this one is pretty safe. Like the first teaser trailer (and pretty much everything from The Force Awakens), there’s not a lot of actual story details in this Last Jedi trailer. We just see a lot of Rey and Luke training together (which we all assumed would happen from the way the last film concluded), and Kylo Ren doing some pretty mischievous things (like potentially murdering his mother, apparently in an attempt to get Parricide Bingo.)
The most revealing moment of the trailer might be the end, in which Rey is seemingly telling Kylo that “I need someone to show me my place in all this.” That is, we assume Rey is speaking to Kylo. As is always important to remember with these trailers, it’s all just fancy editing, and though Kylo and Rey are certainly in the same location in these shots, that doesn’t mean they are actually sharing the scene together.
Furthermore, the line of dialogue is not actually spoken by Rey in the scene — it’s a voiceover, which can clearly be taken out of context from ANY moment of the film. It’s an enticing moment for sure, but also one that seems specifically made to leave audiences saying “WHAAAAAT???”…even if it’s completely manufactured by the trailer itself. After all, this the same company that gave us this shot at the end of the first Rogue One trailer:
Don’t trust ending shots, is all I’m saying.
But potential trickery aside, this is still a pretty rad trailer, with a bunch of great moments within it. The film itself looks pretty stunning just visually, and combined with the music, it really makes an impact. As someone who loved and still loves The Force Awakens, I’ve been eagerly anticipating this sequel since December 2015. This trailer doesn’t make the next two months any easier to wait through, but at least its something to whet the appetite, no? And when said whetting included this, it’s hard to complain.
Yes, I know I’ve already included this gif in the article. But what you may not understand is this: it’s a Porg. And this little penguin hamster motherfucker deserves ALL the gif placement in the damn world.
Also published on Medium.
The 25 Best Exploding Barrels in Video Game History, Ranked
Nothing is better in a video game than the flammable containers that go BOOM.
I’ve been doing these joke/comedy rankings for quite some time now; they’re trendy, easy to make, easy to read, and easy to turn the structure on its ear if need be. But most of the time I’m just injecting total satire and randomness into these arbitrary rankings, to make a point or to make a joke. This time, however, I did a ton of research and have scientifically come up with the definitive list of the best exploding barrels in video game history. There is no criteria, just total facts and nothing subjective. The barrels don’t even have to be red, or traditionally shaped, but it helps. As long as they explode and are generally barrels containing flammable contents, that counts. There were some games I cut because I couldn’t find an image or footage to support my case, but if that proof doesn’t exist is it really worth adding to this list?
The boxes from Crash Bandicoot do not count, they are crates, do not tell me they should go on this list on my Twitter.
DEAD LAST is Superman 64 aka whatever the hell this is
25. Trials endings when you explode sometimes
24. The Binding of Isaac
23. Sly 2
20. Area 51
19. Left 4 Dead
18. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
17. Crysis Physics
16. Borderlands 2
15. Quake II
14. Hydro Thunder: Gauntlet Race
12. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
11. Halo 2 and Halo 3
10. Far Cry 3
8. Red Faction: Guerilla
7. Donkey Kong Country (the living kind and the ones you throw both count)
6. Resident Evil 4
4. Any Worms game, 2D or 3D
3. Just Cause 2 and 3
2. Half-Life 2 (especially when you use the gravity gun in Ravenholm)
1. Literally Any Doom
The Greatest Quotes in Video Game History, Ranked by How Much Fun They Are to Say Out Loud
This is more about volume than how good the actual quotes are.
I have been slowly working on this for months, and had to really whittle this thing down, for a number of reasons. Not everything I wanted to list was on YouTube or Google Images. I also don’t really count song lyrics, or quotes from movies and TV shows (like The Simpsons) in any game based on other media. I also didn’t know how to format this insane idea, so you’re just going to have to walk with me on the road to crazy town, and enjoy the best and dumbest lines ever uttered or written in video game history. If I forgot anything, or snubbed something, just know that I probably tried to include it, gave up, and then didn’t in order to publish this before North Korea nukes us all before the end of the year. Enjoy!
The ‘Written But Not Spoken’ Silent Tier:
The ‘Quieter, More Famous Quotes’ Tier:
The ‘Louder, Sillier, More Goofy and Infamous Lines’ Tier :
The ‘Awesome to Imitate with Friends and Have a Laugh About’ Really Loud Tier:
The ‘Scream At The Top of Your Lungs, All Caps, Best’ God Tier Quotes :
Level Design Hall of Fame: Super Meat Boy
Just in time for the sequel to get delayed to make this not timely at all.
I thought this video was made months ago as of this posting, and could still be watched and enjoyed forever, I felt compelled to post this because of the excitement I have over the announcement of Super Meat Boy Forever. Even though the game doesn’t have the sprint button anymore, and the levels are randomly generated, and Edmund McMillen left Team Meat…okay there is a very good chance the original Super Meat Boy remains the superior example of level design. So here it is being inducted into the Level Design Hall of Fame.
If you are so inclined, the link for my channel (where you can find other videos in the series) is here. And you can follow me on Twitter here.
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