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40 Names For The New Xbox That Would Have Been Better Than ‘Xbox One X’

Xbox One X is clunky and trite — here’s what I would have chosen to best define the “most powerful console ever.”



Yesterday was a pretty big day for the Xbox brand — as was to be expected, of course. Since last year, we’ve known that this year’s E3 Press Conference for Microsoft would stand as the full reveal for their brand new console, initially called Project Scorpio. Dubbed the “most powerful console ever” by the company (and boy are they not afraid to reiterate that point), the Project Scorpio reveal was met with a great deal of curiosity. What could the console really do? How would it work? How much would it cost? And, most important of all things (in the history of mankind, really) — what would it be called?

During Sunday’s press conference, we got the answer to all of these questions. The console could do quite a bit in the technical department (six teraflops, 4K clarity, liquid cooling, etc), would work with a number of previous and upcoming games, and would come at a (debatable high) price point of $499. But what of the oh important name for the new console? Well, we got an answer to that too…the brand new console has been dubbed the “Xbox One X.”


Though not the worst title for a console (as long as “Wii U” exists, nothing else will ever take that crown again), it’s still not that great. It lacks rhythm, looks weird, and most crucial of all, is the most boring choice Microsoft could have possibly gone for when crafting a new console name. Then again, from the house that brought us “Xbox One” in the first place, that shouldn’t be much of a shock.

Still though, the lackluster response to the console’s new name got me thinking…if Xbox One X is such a bland title, what really could have been better? Well, I just happen to have 40 completely legitimate, totally serious suggestions that Microsoft should have taken when considering what to call their newest console beast. Feel free to contact me at anytime for further input, Mr. Phil Spencer. My line is always open.

1. Xbox ²

2. Xbox 4(K) — Ultra HD

3. Xbox All 4 One

4. Xbox 4 U Only

5. Xbox 499

6. Xbox Six Teraflops

7. Xbox Super Duper Graphics Pack

8. Xbox MPC (Most Powerful Console)

9. Xbox Gooder Graphics

10. Xbox X-Treme X-Periance

11. Xbox Code Red

12. Xbox Snap

13. Xbox Crackle

14. Xbox Pop

15. Xbox Oner

16. Xbox Onest

17. Xbox One Is The Loneliest Number

18. Xbox 358/2 Consoles

19. Xbox Cool

20. Xbox Hip

21. Xbox In Your Face

22. Xbox Poochie

23. Xbox Switch (Grandmas Can’t Tell!)

24. Xbox TBD

25. Xboooox Racer!

26. Xbox Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

27. Xbox v Casuals: Dawn of Terraflops

28. Xbox: Please Clap

29. Xbox!

30. Xbox Dreamcast

31. Xbox VR (Shh, don’t tell them!)

32. Xbox “Good God, We Should Have Bought Bioware When We Had The Chance”

33. Xbox “And Kept Bungie Too, While We Were At It”

34. Xbox “2nd Place Isn’t So Bad, When You Consider The Current State of the Marketplace”

35. Xbox “Look, Why Don’t You Try To Name A Console, Huh? With All the Marketing Executives And Content Strategists And Focus Groups And EVERYTHING FUCKING ELSE, It’s A Surprisingly Difficult Task. You Can’t Blame Us For Going With The ‘Meh’ Option!”

36. Xbox “We Tried Our Best Here, But Clearly That’s Not Enough. The PS4 Is Still Selling Like Hotcakes For Reasons We Can’t Begin To Fathom, And The Nintendo Switch Is Quickly Catching Up. We Are Deathly Afraid Of Being Left Behind And, To Be Honest, Afraid We Already Have Been”

37. Xbox “So That’s Why We Made This Damn Console, Because We Needed SOMETHING. After All, If We Don’t Have The Most Powerful Console On The Market…Then What Do We Have??”

38. Xbox There All is Aching

39. Xbox Pro

40. Xbox Scorpio

Also published on Medium.

Matthew Legarreta is the Editor and Owner of Freshly Popped Culture. A big ol' ball of movie, TV, and video game loving flesh, Matthew has been writing about pop culture for nearly a decade. Matthew also loves writing about himself in the third person, because it makes him feel important (or something.)



The 25 Best Exploding Barrels in Video Game History, Ranked

Nothing is better in a video game than the flammable containers that go BOOM.



I’ve been doing these joke/comedy rankings for quite some time now; they’re trendy, easy to make, easy to read, and easy to turn the structure on its ear if need be. But most of the time I’m just injecting total satire and randomness into these arbitrary rankings, to make a point or to make a joke. This time, however, I did a ton of research and have scientifically come up with the definitive list of the best exploding barrels in video game history. There is no criteria, just total facts and nothing subjective. The barrels don’t even have to be red, or traditionally shaped, but it helps. As long as they explode and are generally barrels containing flammable contents, that counts. There were some games I cut because I couldn’t find an image or footage to support my case, but if that proof doesn’t exist is it really worth adding to this list?

The boxes from Crash Bandicoot do not count, they are crates, do not tell me they should go on this list on my Twitter.

DEAD LAST is Superman 64 aka whatever the hell this is

25. Trials endings when you explode sometimes

24. The Binding of Isaac

23. Sly 2

22. Bulletstorm

21. Scribblenauts

20. Area 51

19. Left 4 Dead

18. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

17. Crysis Physics

16. Borderlands 2

15. Quake II

14. Hydro Thunder: Gauntlet Race

13. Crackdown

12. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

11. Halo 2 and Halo 3

10. Far Cry 3

9. Painkiller

8. Red Faction: Guerilla

7. Donkey Kong Country (the living kind and the ones you throw both count)

6. Resident Evil 4

5. Black

4. Any Worms game, 2D or 3D

3. Just Cause 2 and 3

2. Half-Life 2 (especially when you use the gravity gun in Ravenholm)

1. Literally Any Doom

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The Greatest Quotes in Video Game History, Ranked by How Much Fun They Are to Say Out Loud

This is more about volume than how good the actual quotes are.



I have been slowly working on this for months, and had to really whittle this thing down, for a number of reasons. Not everything I wanted to list was on YouTube or Google Images. I also don’t really count song lyrics, or quotes from movies and TV shows (like The Simpsons) in any game based on other media. I also didn’t know how to format this insane idea, so you’re just going to have to walk with me on the road to crazy town, and enjoy the best and dumbest lines ever uttered or written in video game history. If I forgot anything, or snubbed something, just know that I probably tried to include it, gave up, and then didn’t in order to publish this before North Korea nukes us all before the end of the year. Enjoy!

The ‘Written But Not Spoken’ Silent Tier:

 Greatest Quotes in Video Game History

The ‘Quieter, More Famous Quotes’ Tier:

The ‘Louder, Sillier, More Goofy and Infamous Lines’ Tier :

The ‘Awesome to Imitate with Friends and Have a Laugh About’ Really Loud Tier:

The ‘Scream At The Top of Your Lungs, All Caps, Best’ God Tier Quotes :

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Level Design Hall of Fame: Super Meat Boy

Just in time for the sequel to get delayed to make this not timely at all.



I thought this video was made months ago as of this posting, and could still be watched and enjoyed forever, I felt compelled to post this because of the excitement I have over the announcement of Super Meat Boy Forever. Even though the game doesn’t have the sprint button anymore, and the levels are randomly generated, and Edmund McMillen left Team Meat…okay there is a very good chance the original Super Meat Boy remains the superior example of level design. So here it is being inducted into the Level Design Hall of Fame.

If you are so inclined, the link for my channel (where you can find other videos in the series) is here. And you can follow me on Twitter here.

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